and it's almost too good to be true.

What a weekend! Yesterday, I went with Jeff, Chris, and Ali to The Vagina Monologues and watched Tristyn bring down the house (and Sharptooth act a fool in pigtails and pajamas). Then Marshall and her brother picked me and Jeff up, and we ventured to Pet Supermarket to say hi to Marshall’s future fire-belly toad, Enkidu. We spent some time hanging out with a crested gecko and Miami phase corn snake, admiring the appalling fishtank décor. After reluctantly leaving Marshall at Carol Belk Theatre, we let William experience the caf before rushing him back to see his sister's play. I love Marshall's brother, it should be said right now. He reminds me a lot of my own brother, the way he teases his father and talks about athletics and cars, the way he's such a boy, and so earnest and outgoing and funny. Little brothers!

I came back and wrote a poem about being felt up by Steve Orlen during The Poseidon Adventure, then went to dinner with Marshall's family. William wanted to see my room, and we ended up hanging out here, watching YouTube videos and looking at pictures while Marshall dozed on my bed. William and I woke her out of her delirium and all headed back to the Willage, where we had a sleepover. And then today, we had brunch together, and saw The Wrestling Season and had dinner again, this time with Marshall's mom, who is painfully sweet. Marshall's whole family is like that, somehow - they're so warm, and they laugh so much and all tell such funny stories, and they make me feel really welcome. I'm not used to having that with girlfriends' parents. I wish my family would be that way toward someone I was with - a girl, I mean, since they were all about Jason, even after he fucked me up. Maybe they'll get their chance, sometimes soon. Greg will think Marshall's fantastic, though, even if my parents are stand-offish. And once they meet this girl? There's no way they couldn't love her. Especially because she gave me Airborne tablets tonight.

Right now, Celine Dion is doing a premiere performance of some really shitty song. Jeff and Jordy and I have been waiting for this, and the song is disappointing, but bitch is looking much better than I expected from her, especially after her last memorable misstep. God, I love the Oscars. I can't help myself; even though I haven't seen half the movies that are up for awards, I still find myself gasping at glimpses of Meryl Streep and Leo DiCaprio. Luckily, we've seen a lot of both, tonight, and I've just finally seen the suicidal robot commercial, and so I feel like a winner. Even though I have not done a damn thing, in terms of work. I have so much work to do, and I actually want to do it all, but it's so intimidating how much has accumulated, and how well I want to do. I plan on trying hard to do this right: I can't afford to stress out anymore, not like I have been. I always get my things done and I always do well enough for my professors, if not for myself, and so there's no reason to get into that ugly angstfest mode that I'm so fond of.

Something I'm either worried or relieved about: how little I feel, generally, when Jason comes up. Tonight they played the Lucksmiths at dinner, and a K-Fed commercial was just on, and every day, there are dozens of things that vaguely remind me of him, but I'm not hung-up on any of it, nothing is ruined for me. It's not like it's been before - there are songs that remind me of Kara that I definitely can't let myself hear on a regular basis, you know? I'm usually so in touch with my memories, but it's as if I'm phasing Jason out entirely, wherever I can. Must be a defensive mechanism. I get so irritated by these brick walls I build up, but my therapist always says, "Isn't it wonderful, how you have all these parts of yourself that are working to protect you?" and I like that way of looking at it. Besides, I remember him enough when I'm asleep, it seems, and that's messing with my life enough. There are things I'm glad to forget, at this point.

Enough: I am happy tonight, and my life is full of beautiful things, and Jennifer Hudson is performing right now and she is so godawful beautiful that I can't stand it. There are people I miss tonight, and things I would have done differently, and I would welcome six more hours in each day, but this place I'm in and the people around me are just what I need, right now.